Her Charmed Life

My name is Gabrielle and to be honest I’m not entirely sure if “Charmed” is a word I would choose to describe my life.

I am 24 years old going on about 13 or 80 depending on the day. I live in a small town in Ohio outside of Dayton with my boyfriend (it’s complicated), and his dog (also a roommate but he never comes out of his cave of a room so I’m not sure if he counts). I’m in the military, my job being that of a life-saving capacity that I am relatively proud of (I pack parachutes and life rafts and lug heavy equipment onto huge planes). I love my country and I joined because of that. Also, I was 17 and had no idea what to do, but I knew I needed to leave my childhood behind- fast.

I have a love/hate/tolerance/worship relationship with religion. Most days it’s a toss-up between love and tolerance. I’ve made a lot of progress considering that in the past (six months ago) I would have said it was either obsession or loathing. Here’s to small steps I suppose. I don’t know what to identify my belief as. I used to say Catholic, then I said Agnostic, and now I say either Pagen or just plain Spiritual. I know that whatever I end up using as a label doesn’t really matter to me. My relationship with God, however, does.

I am also a witch. Sometimes my spells work and sometimes they don’t. I love my crystals (which always work) and my meditations (which definitely do not always work). I prefer candle spells to others, I like to meditate with the flame. I think it makes me more connected with my magik and whatever spirit I’m connecting with. I thoroughly enjoy using tarot in my practice and in my daily life. I have a few decks that feel more like friends than cards.

I have a few hobbies including napping (which may just be depression), music, and reading. Growing up I played the clarinet in middle school and high school. I was in the marching band, where I had some of the most intense moments of my childhood. I love reading music and often try to take it up again but somehow never end up doing so. I listen to different artists on Spotify. Taylor Swift (Eras Tour Cincy Night 2 anyone?) Sleep Token, and Florence + The Machine being my most played. I read every day. Normally I read three books a week. Sometimes more. I like High Fantasy and occasionally fiction, anything that keeps me entranced inside the book really. ACOTAR and The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue are some favorites of mine although I keep The Shack very close to my heart. I am a firm believer in reading the book before you see the movie.

I once read somewhere that you have different types of friends for different stages of your life. You have your childhood friend, who is there for the ups and downs of grade school and puberty. Mine is Hannah. She was there for me in fourth grade until we both graduated high school. We had our first kisses, our first periods, our first dates, and our first real-life experiences with each other. I lived with her for a while and I still consider her family mine. We text every few months. You also have good friends. This is someone you know through convenience; work or a neighbor. Someone you like to get drinks with and enjoy talking to, but you wouldn’t extend them an open invite to your house. For me, this is Sabrina. We are co-workers and I really enjoy being around her. She’s funny and pretty. She’s very good at her job and I find myself wishing I could be more like her. She invited me to her wedding. You also have lifers. In the military, a lifer is someone who will stay in the military until they hit 20 years and retire or go beyond 20 and are forced to retire because they get too old to stay in. Everyone knows who these people are, you can just tell. It’s kind of… natural. I met my lifers through a book club. I had no idea who any of them were, but it was obvious to me who would be my lifelong friends. It was just natural. Chey, Bex, Kara, Gee, and Emily. (fuck you Maddy) I love them all deeply and in different ways. I love them more than I thought you even could love someone who you were not going to marry. More than I could love someone. These people are my sisters.

I have a terrible relationship with my actual family. I have mommy issues, haven’t spoken to my father since I was 15 or 16 years old, and have no idea how to bridge the gaping cavern of awkwardness and trauma between my siblings and me.

So all in all “Charmed” might not have been the best descriptor I could have chosen to describe my life. I’m confused, headstrong, slightly traumatized and romanticize everything. I have raging anxiety (my nails are always sort of bleeding and my hair is falling out) and an overachieving, idealizing mindset in my career. I also overeat. Maybe you can relate. Or not. Whatever.