Her Charmed Life

This is definitely a pot of brain dump. I have no idea if all of these ideas even track with each other. I have 10000 thoughts tonight.

You know what really grinds my gears? Men who don’t know their fucking place.

Why is it that when you get the trash ones they think that why are just the pinnacle of everything? This guy with greasy hair and skin as crusty as his cheeto fingers doesn’t even know what the word exfoliation means. His dusty ass dick and literal dirt encased fingers are screaming UTI. But ask them and good fucking lord they just are number one. Best the world has to offer in bed (he’s not cheating, he got that STI from a toilet seat duh), totally not narcissistic (it’s his crazy ex not him duh), golden boy (cars in the shop, can you drive him to work for..ever?), and single handedly raising the bar for all other men on the fucking planet because he took out the trash (after you begged him for the 5th time). The trash can slime men of the world are always thinking they belong on top. They even boast about it! It’s deplorable. Then you have the good ones. Actually good, normal dudes- nothing too fancy or showy. They take out the trash, cook when it’s their turn, apologize when they’ve been acting like a dick, and wash their ass. They think they are just shit. Bottom of the barrel level. I left with whiplash.

It just baffles me. I’m used to the slime type. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had plenty of good men in my life but unfortunately the bad usually outshines the good. The bad I’ve had is… pretty damn bad. So anyways. I’m used to the slime type so when I stumble across a ND (normal dude type) it’s like a total reset for me. I have to shake the shit out of my brain from the asshole and accept the good from the ND. 
So when I get a ND bringing me flowers when I didn’t even ask, carrying my bags, opening my doors, pulling me across the big jumps on hikes… I’m so enamored. I’m also very stuck feeling. I’ve had to be the caregiver, the provider, the fixer, the scheduler, the foundation in my relationships with men so many times. Every time it seems. I’ve been stuck in this masculine role for years. It’s really hard and so utterly terrifying to give it up. I have control issues. But this man… He just makes me want to. It’s still scary and all that, but I just want to do it. I don’t feel like I’m being forced. He makes me feel so feminine. It makes me fucking giggle. I’m just so excited and so happy. I feel like I could walk down the street with him and not have to worry about a thing. I have never felt like that with anyone before. Occasionally it comes and goes in others, but it’s a show they put on. A front. With him, it’s just how he is. Like how can he just… walk through the world thinking that he’s not great?

I’m not saying we should all fall at his feet (unless..) because he doesn’t abuse people. But he’s pretty fucking awesome. I think that deserves some praise.