Her Charmed Life

I feel deep failure. Shame and hate for myself. People dont deserve me. They dont need that kind of downpour.  The weight of my life and the way I understand the world is heavy on my heart. I wish I could disappear. I want the earth to swallow me up. I have so much love to give and I can never express it right. I always fuck it up somehow. I don’t understand things the way that normal people do and it makes things so difficult for me. I just cant ever say or do the right thing. Everything I touch gets hurt one way or the other. I’m just too… sharp. I feel surrounded by people and utterly alone. I feel like im screaming through a window at the people I love to just see me. To understand. But if they do they will go away. They’ll figure out how much work I am to simply exist around. Orbiting me is like being sucked into a black hole in space. No one wants that. Im so fucking tired of crying and of asking for help. This will never get better. I am nothing