Her Charmed Life

I am nothing. I am useless. I cannot do anything right anymore. Im always in the wrong or thinking or doing the wrong thing. There is no way ill ever be able to connect the way I did. I cant remember the things I need to in order to have simple conversations. How could I ever possibly go beyond that? I love talking to people. And I always say the wring fucking thing. I bring up the wrong subject or comment on the wrong emotion. I make really bad jokes that done land right and I never can read the room properly. Yeah everyone loves me. I know. But whats even the point if I cant love the properly back? I cant express myself anymore. Could I ever even really do it in the first place? Probably not. I probably have always been shit at it and people are too nice to say anything. But i would say something. Which would make the person upset or something and id ultimately be the bad person bc I did something to upset them. Why do I always upset people? Im so tired of constantly making mistake after mistake. I want to just fucking sleep. I want to rest. I feel like ill never be ablet to rest again. This is all useless. Ill never be able to overcome this one. Its. Like a shadow clinging to me on the sidewalk. Do familiar that I’ve forgotten its there., until a moment of weakness and suddenly its all I can fucking see. The darkness consumes and I am all that stands to stop it. Im just a girl. I cant do anything about that. Im not strong or brave or anything like that. 45 minutes of pouting like a fucking baby about how im sad. God thats pathetic. Im so tired. My eyes sting. My head throbs. My bones ache for relief that comes in the only form I cannot have.